


the cycles of self destruction

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drugs, F/M, Gabriel Has Issues (Supernatural), Gabriel Has Sex (Supernatural), Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Dialogue, One-Sided Attraction, Partying, References to Drugs, Sam Winchester Has Feelings, Sam Winchester Has a Crush on Gabriel, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22031791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It was a cycle, an endless cycle of drugs, booze, and women. He would leave the house with a pitiful excuse anyone could see through, get drunk, smoke, and come home high and smelling like cheap perfume. And on special occasions, he’d bring the party home with him, a girl or two in tow as he led them to his bedroom. Gabriel was a whirlwind of self-destruction, and Sam had gotten caught in it.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 13





	the cycles of self destruction

It was a cycle, an endless cycle of drugs, booze, and women. He would leave the house with a pitiful excuse anyone could see through, get drunk, smoke, and come home high and smelling like cheap perfume. And on special occasions, he’d bring the party home with him, a girl or two in tow as he led them to his bedroom. Gabriel was a whirlwind of self-destruction, and Sam had gotten caught in it.

The apartment they shared was small, with paper thin walls that did nothing to protect Sam from the sounds of Gabriel enjoying his nightly fling. He wondered what this girl looked like; was she a busty blonde with wide hips and a small waist who reeked of daddy issues? Was she a shy brunette with a mischievous gleam in her eyes? Was she a fiery red-head who had a comeback to all his jokes and pickup lines? Sam had never met any of Gabriel’s many lovers, who were all gone before the sun rose in the morning. 

Sometimes he wondered what was so appealing about the girls. Why did Gabriel pick her, out of all the girls in the crowd. What was so special about her in particular, or was she just the closest, and easiest option? Did he start with a crappy pickup line then buy her a drink, or did he let them come onto him? Did he ever go for the same girl twice, or did he find a new one every time? Did he tell them upfront all he wanted was a night, or did he let them believe they had a chance? 

But other times, on nights he’d never talk about to others, he’d wonder what it was like. Was he gentle, or did he like it rough? Did it depend on the girl, or did he let her have a choice? Did he do pillow talk, or was that too intimate for a one night stand? Did he ever cry, on a night when things had been rough, or did he let the alcohol and weed drown out his feelings? Did he talk to the girls at all, except to tell them to leave, after it was over? 

He wondered what it would be like, if Gabriel had picked him up. Would he sweet talk Sam, in that teasing voice he reserved solely for him? Would he order him a drink and pull up a chair, running his hands along his arm? Would Gabriel be sober when he started flirting, or would it take the help of bourbon and drugs to make Gabriel want to have sex with him? Sam shuddered when he thought about it; What would the sex be like? Would Gabriel take it slow, savour the time, explore Sam’s body, or would he rush it, fast and rough, and send Sam on his way, like all the girls before him and all the girls that would come after him? Would things be awkward after, or would he act like nothing had changed? Would Sam’s feelings go away, once he got his night, or would they only intensify?

His feelings. He was in love with Gabriel. It was a mistake from the start, he knew that. Dean had told him, when he found out. It’s only gonna end in you getting your heart broken, he had said, and Sam knew he was right. Cas had been less harsh, but had agreed with Dean.  _ “Falling for my brother, it’s….Not ideal, Sam.”  _ He told them he knew, he understood, and even so, he still loved Gabriel. It wasn’t like the books or movies, Sam didn’t profess his undying love to the playboy which made him settle down, there was no climax that led to a declaration of feelings, where Gabriel said he only fucked the girls to suppress his feelings for Sam. Maybe if their story was a movie, they would have a scene in the pouring rain, where Sam had ran out as Gabriel brought home a new girl. They’d argue in the street, and Sam would tell him how he felt. Gabriel would freeze, and maybe if they got their happy ending, Gabriel would pull Sam in for a kiss and send the girl away. He’d pull Sam up to his room and they’d undress. Slow and passionate, and maybe Sam would wake up wrapped in Gabriel’s arms. The credits would roll, and they’d live happily ever after.

But instead, Sam laid in bed once again, and listened to a faceless girl moan out Gabriel’s name, knowing it would never be him in her position. And maybe one day, he'd be okay with that. 


End file.
